Always the Fat Girl

It's been a while since I've posted a heart-felt emotional blog post, eh? I guess it was brewing. Somewhere deep down inside, I guess the emotions were just simmering, like a pot of chili on a cold winter day. And by "cold winter day" in Phoenix, let's be honest, I mean 72' and cloudy.  

Don't hate. 

I was at WalMart (normally I avoid Wally World like the plague) because I had to pick up a few things, last minute, on my way home from working out.

I pulled up, still in the gym clothes I was wearing from this morning's workout where I PR'd my deadlift by over... 50 pounds. I was feeling really awesome after 5 sets of lifting that really heavy bar, with those really heavy plates attached to it. I'm talking I WAS FEELING LIKE ONE PROUD HEIFER!



So I've got my swagger-walk on and I'm sauntering into WalMart like any good heifer would. I go grab the stuff I needed and wanted to just walk around the cool fun tshirt area, to see what they had. Maybe something for me, or one of my kids.

I was just fine, walking around, looking at this and that, nothing in particular, when I walked by a mirror.  My very first and overwhelming thought was LOOK AWAY! Don't look at yourself as you walk by. You've come from the gym, you're sweaty, you haven't eaten on plan the last few weeks, so you're probably up in some "water weight" and your hair is dreadful and deserving of a good violent shampoo.

"Don't look at yourself as you walk by."

Having been obese for about 40 years of my life, I avoided mirrors like the plague. How many of you heifers can relate? You know a mirror is on a particular wall, so you go out of your way to avoid that wall, or you look the other direction?


You don't WANT to look in the mirror because you know what's looking back at you.  Fat. Relentless, futile attempts at years of yoyo dieting, years of self-loathing, years of avoidance. Years of emotional emptiness. Years of nothingness in your heart.

You don't WANT to look in that mirror because even though you just did something GOOD for your body - say you worked out - you ate a healthy meal, you skipped that 3rd glass of wine, whatever.. you KNOW what's looking back at you.  Fat is looking back at you. Disappointment is looking back at you. FAILURE is looking back at you. HOPELESSNESS is looking back at you.

That's me.  I've lost over 110 pounds, successfully maintaining this loss for about 5 years now, and yet STILL... I don't want to look in the mirror. 


I'm afraid.  I'm so afraid that when I look at that reflection, I will see FatMelissa, not the person I am now.  I'm no longer fat -  I no longer wear "The Fat Suit" that I talk about HERE.  I'm not that same person. 

So why can't I look in the mirror without being afraid?  Good question.  I guess I haven't been able to shake the "fat Melissa" mindset quite yet - even though logically I KNOW I'm no longer that person. I'm a happy, well-adjusted, confident heifer these days. I walk with my head up high, I'm no longer the shy wallflower I was when I was insecure and unhappy.  I'm not sure why I can't let go of that first instinct, the one that turns my body away from the mirror before I can even realize what I've done.

Below is the mirror at WalMart.  I stood there for a good 30 seconds, just staring at myself, trying to accept the fact that I'm not fat anymore. I'm FIT, and I'm healthy.  I hope one day my mind catches up to my body.

How many of you can relate?  Feel free to email me - or join us in our facebook group to discuss.

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Product Review - Yanky Sport Hanky

Some products are just fun, right, heifers? I mean, nobody wakes up excited to get to test out new toothpaste, right? (Or do they? If they do - please let me know - that's kind of not my thing and maybe I've not yet discovered the toothpaste of the 'cool people.')

But... some products kind of intrigue you and make you think, "HMM!"  This is one of them.  I'm new-ish to running.  About 4 years in.  I learn new things every single day.  Some are good, some are bad.  This one is good.  So so good.

Running through the winter (well, and I know a HUGE percentage of you heifers are up in C (eh) N (eh) D (eh)... and laugh at what this heifer calls winter...but.... humor me) is rough.

Many of you run through some seriously cold winter weather.  I run through #weatherweenie weather here in Phoenix, in the winter.  My nose runs.  I sweat. I cry. It's never pretty.  I wonder why I wake up in the dark to go run because my fingers go numb (in 50' .... don't judge)....

And let's talk about running during the summer.  Are you KIDDING me ?? In Phoenix? Summer temperatures often exceed 115' and are downright ugly.  And to be fair and honest, just like every news source on Cable TV, I sweat.  Like a dude. Like a really sweaty, sweat-drenched dripping wet sweaty dude.  It's not pretty.  It's embarrassing.  My friends running alongside me BARELY break a sweat and I'm covered, head to toe, in my glistening disgusting heifer-sparkle. It's nasty.  Truly.  Disgusting.  Aren't you glad I'm sharing?  Ok good. I mean we're all friends here, right?  Is nothing sacred and private? (no, not here in the HeiferHood - we gotta discuss these things sometimes, just trust me)

My buddy Ryan  (Founder, Yanky Sport Hanky) came up with this amazing product.  It's a Yanky Hanky. I call it all kinds of other rhyme'y things - but here's the dealio: you clip it to your pants, or your shirt, or your running belt, and it is the perfect hanky to wipe your sweat with.  Gone are the days of snotty sleeves (come ON you guys - you all do it), sweat in your eyes, and unwiped tears of joy after a PR on your favorite race course.

What's this gloriousness made of, you ask?  It's actually a blend of cotton and bamboo. It's SUPER-soft, like your baby blanky... a yanky hanky blanky! See how I did that? 

Anyway - so soft. I want to sleep with mine. Except I have it in the washing machine right now, because, sweat.  

They come in every single color you could want.  They don't bounce against your body like you'd think (I took mine out for a run yesterday, fully expecting to be annoyed as heck, with something bouncing next to my body) No bouncing to be bothered by. For real.  It has a little pull-cord that you use to pull on it and extend it up to your face, etc... and then you just *POOF,* like Elsa, and LET IT GO.... and it glides quietly back into place.

I really wasn't sure about it because, like I said - it's something that has to hang off my body or my belt, etc... but after using it a few times, I'm sold.  No more wiping your nose, your eyes, your sweat on your sleeve. And on summer days, let's face it - we run in tank tops, don't we? Nothing to even wipe with except our brand new Hanky Panky Spanky Yanky Hanky.  Or something like that.   

I really like this product.  Ryan has great customer service, too.  When I emailed him a question, guess what happened?  I didn't get an AUTO REPLY thanking me for my interest and asking me for my email address, my mother's maiden name, my heifer hoofprint, and my kids' social security numbers. I received a very quick response, a friendly response at that.  He's genuinely interested in his customers and it shows.

Get one.  They're THAT cool.  

The pieces detatch so that you can put it through the laundry without damaging the cord.

The pieces detatch so that you can put it through the laundry without damaging the cord.

My favorite color.  PINK!

My favorite color.  PINK!

In case you don't like pink... don't worry. Lots of other cool colors.

In case you don't like pink... don't worry. Lots of other cool colors.

I attached mine directly to my pants.  It worked beautifully. Plus it matched my pants, so there's that.

I attached mine directly to my pants.  It worked beautifully. Plus it matched my pants, so there's that.

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Momentum Jewelry - The Contest !

Oh Heifers! If you guys knew me IRL (that's "in real life" for those of you who aren't hip to the teen jive that my kids have taught me).... you know I love some fun running jewelry.  

I like to be inspired when I look down at my sweaty arms, hands, etc. and see something that is going to KEEEEP ME MOOOOOVING (aside from my jiggling thighs that bounce back and forth even after I've stopped mooooving, but that's another blog post... )

I like to look down and see cool stuff like THIS

Photo courtesy of my BFFs at Momentum Jewelry

Photo courtesy of my BFFs at Momentum Jewelry

I want to be able to SHAAAARE the heifer-love with this amazing fun inspiring jewelry, so I am hosting another contest here in the HeiferHood.

Here's the skinny:

The custom Motivate Wraps have 12 characters on top (including spaces) and 12 on bottom.

Come up with your very BEST Heifer slogan - heifer phrase - heifer mantra - whatever you like that's HEIFER related... and we will compile all the answers, vote on them right here on the blog, and the winner will receive the 40% discount PLUS some kick-arse Heifer-Wear.  Because, MOO!

Let's go ahead and count out RUNHEIFERRUN because that's too obvious. And not creative.

Fine Print: 

Contest will go through May 31, 2017.  

Submit your entries to me by email: or tweet them to me on twitter @MelissaKahn7, or leave them here in the comments.

You can even join our facebook group page  (request to join, I'll approve you on in) and share your suggestion there.

You can submit up to TWO ideas

Once all the entries are received - a specially designated heifer-committee will vote on the top 5 phrases, and then I will put them into a new blog poll, whereupon you can send all your friends, family, coworkers, etc. to vote for your submission.

Winner will receive the 40% discount code, some heifer-Wear, and one of "THE" famous shirts - the shirt that broke the internet, courtesy of our friends over at Ordinary Marathoners!

What else will you receive? Your very own copy of Running To Leadville, written by none other than Brian Burk.

Running to Leadville is a story about life.

 “Then one day, the other neighbor kids were no longer allowed to play with him. Brian noticed that the older kids and the other parents talked under their breath and pointed his way. Then the “D” word became part of the conversations. His mother explained to him what divorce meant. He really only understood that he would be living in a new home, in another neighborhood, and without his father. “

“Within the course of that first summer, Brian went from being the kid everyone wanted to play with, the kid with the cool friends, to the child no one knew. “


Ready, Set, GET TO MOOOOOVIN' on this contest!




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