Once again, another amazing blog contribution by one of our fellow Heifers.
Eating disorders are very personal. Very private. And very unique. You can't put a face to an eating disorder. The girl next door might have one. The soccer coach may have one, too. Your own sister might have fallen victim. Men have them. Women have them. Children have them. Several of our very own Heifers suffer from different types of eating disorders.
My dear friend wanted to share a little bit of insight into the mind of someone with an eating disorder. He's not only courageous, but he's kind, funny, and an all around great guy. Please take a minute to read a day in the life of a boy with an eating disorder. I'll share more from him soon.
It's about 07.45 in the morning when I open my eyes and see the sun shining through the curtains, it fills me with complete fear. Another day of battling with my enemy, it's a battle that I know I would loose again. I have been fighting this battle for so long, I'm exhausted mentally and so tired physically.
Can you imagine doing that for at least 24 years of your adult life. I know I couldn't, but I did.
My enemy for all that time and still is in a lesser degree, is food and the consumption of it.
There are more good days now than bad days which is a blessing.
It's now about 08.10am I'm down stairs in the kitchen trying to find something that I might eat but will also look like I have eaten sufficient to placate my mother. That was not easy, she was consistently trying to ram food down me. In those moments I remember as a very young child having lovely food memories, favourite family meals and treats that would be so exciting. To be now in this different world of choosing food purely to sustain me for survival with no pleasure attached at all. In my worse times I probably was only consuming about 400 - 750 calories a day.
I have managed to survive breakfast without too much hassle and eaten the minimum, the next hurdle will be in about 3 -4 hours which is lunch time and the terrifying process starts all over again !!
When I think about all the time I spent over analysing everything I consumed or didn't consume it is frightening. All it achieved was severe anxiety, depression, lack of confidence, body repulsion, constant thoughts of suicide, and extreme weight loss.
Lunch time is fast approaching my anxiety is rising off the scale, need to find out what we got so I can work out a consumption plan. This day is just getting worse we going out for lunch, that basically means no control at all.
Spending ages looking at a menu that only fills me with utter dread.
The only way I can really deal with this situation too stop me freaking is out is by thinking tomorrow I can eat less...
This is the sad reality of food disorders. It took a lot of courage for my fellow Heifer to share his story. Show him some love if you like, by leaving a comment, and be aware that some around you may be silently suffering.
If someone you love may have an eating disorder, here are a few resources you may find helpful:
10 Symptoms of Anorexia