Diary of a Heifer.... That Time You Lost Your Shit

It was bound to happen. It just was.

I'm seven days into training for the triathlon.  Seven.  That's really not a lot of days, is it? I have something like 140 days or so until this triathlon. In the Himalayan Mountains. I have 140 days or so to go from occasional runner / biker and OMGIHATESWIMMING to being a Badass Mountain Heifer Triathlete.

Yeah.  Don't laugh.  Ok you can laugh. Because I was laughing too. Right up until this morning.

Rest Day.  Yesterday's bike ride was for cadence.  Here's the thing - you work on revolutions per minute. I never knew that. IMNOTASEASONEDTRIATHLETE.  I never knew that was a thing.  Trust me. It's a thing. You start out low, at maybe 50rpm, then you go for a minute or two, take a minute or two break, and BAM, ramp it up for another minute. Go on to 60, then 70, then 80.  By the time you get to 80... here's what happens to you:

You die.  Twice.  I was feelin' pretty fly at 50, even 60.  By the time 70 hit me, I was getting a little concerned.  And when 80 came, I was ballz to the wallz.... and it got ugly.

Remember - I'm not quite the finely tuned athlete I hope to be in 20 weeks. NONE of this comes naturally to me. None of it.  I mean, yeah, the running is something I've done for 4 years now - but I'm not a natural.  I look like this:


Actually that heifer is probably a bit cuter LOL.  Her udders match her headband.  Let's move right past that statement.

I spent the last six days doing double and triple workouts each day.  Many of you Ironman finishers are nodding your head and telling me to STFU because this is the life when you train for an event.

Call me blissfully ignorant - I just didn't realize how much TIME and EFFORT were involved in training.  It's going to work out. I'm going to do it.  But this morning I awoke with paralyzing fear in the depths of my soul.  I awoke feeling the weight of a thousand heifers on my shoulders. The crushing pressure of being "The Head Heifer" and fearful that I might not finish. I might not be physically ABLE to bike up a damn mountain. And not just any mountain, heifers. THE HIMALAYAN mountains.  Those are some serious hills.

Here's what I did.  First, I made a horrendous video on and shared it on twitter. And hey, to the guy who said the bags under my eyes were unattractive, well.... I have a good personality, damnit! LOL WECAN'TALLBEPRETTY!!!! Here's that unattractive HONEST video. It's raw. I was holding back tears.  But whatever.  I'm going to share it for a good reason.

Ok now that you've witnessed the horror of the bags under my eyes and my unruly bedhead (don't judge, it's REST DAY, heifers, I'm resting), let me tell you this.  I shared it because we're all human.  Because no matter HOW HARD this is, and no matter HOW MUCH I want to freaking give up some days, because I'm exhausted mentally, physically, even emotionally... I WILL NOT GIVE UP.  I want to sometimes.  I do.  BUT I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

And neither should you. 

Fighting health issues? Diabetes? Obesity? Eating disorders? Relationship issues? Mental issues?  Giving up IS.NOT.AN.OPTION.  You fight.  You fight so hard until you have no more fight left in you.


That's what I'm doing.  And I invite you to fight alongside me for whatever it is that's important to YOU.  There is no giving up. 

#iKahn and #uKahn too.  Show me some love below.  I will need to read it on my next shit day. And if you need some support of your own, leave that below too. #heiferNation is strong and mighty.  #theHerd is here to support everyone.

That's how heifers roll. 



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